When I was much younger, I attended Sunday school with my brother. I cant remember much from it, but I do remember I do try to do things other people are doing. For example: Lifting up hands when praise and worship but i do not understand the reason for it, and wanting to cry as others are crying. What i did not know is that those action are expression of the person towards God.
But after finishing Sunday school, I never lift my hands to God as I was worried how the person beside me is thinking. What if my hand is blocking the person at the back and so forth. After having a personal relationship with God, I was able to lift my hands up to God. Not fully but I did it. I am able to do it because I want to praise God not because of my ability but because of God greatness. I always imagine that when we are in heaven, we will be praising God and we should be practicing now if not what are we suppose to do in eternity beside praising God?
I learn part of who is God is during Sunday school and values stuck with me while growing up. Eventhough i backslided before as there is a period i do not go to church because it wasnt a priority to me. My 'tiredness' is more a priority than going to church. My parents also were not those pushy type to force you to church. I guess that is also a reason they backslided too. Just to clarify with you that you can also backslide even if you go to church. How i would define backslide is that you do not have an intimate relationship with God alone or in another words you do not spend time with God. If you are wondering how do we spend time with God since God is everywhere, we read the bible, pray , praise and worship Him.
Similar with other relationship, there need to be contact time with another person so that relationship will florish. Parents and children, brother and sister, lovers, even pets and humans. All of this relationship require time with each other to know more about each other and create a sense of belonging to each other. Spending time with God is no different, but the different about God is that he will never fail on us. And he do not harp on it if we forgot to spend time. He will always patiently wait for us and discipline us if we are moving towards the wrong path. That is the wonderful part about our Great God, Jesus.
I remember getting food from Sunday school and it was great. Thank God for those teacher to teach us about God. God had also have a plan on my life to teach children about who God is and I am honored and bless by it. As we prepare for the kids teaching materials, I am obligated to read the bible and learn to teach to the kids. Indirectly, I also was spending time with God. hehe.
God use this ministry to mold me to be brave and to trust in Him. It is a privilege to serve Him in this manner. I was an insecure and shy person towards kids. But now I am able to have a conversation with a kid. Whenever I see a kid, or baby I just ignore them. Now i am able to make eye contact with them and smile. God is Great.
Thursday, 29 November 2018
Sunday, 15 January 2017
Eye Contact
Having eye contact is one of the fears i encounter while growing up. But sometimes it does not seem that scary when you try to see other people's reaction. I guess knowing and realised that i am afraid rejection helps to let you decide whether or not do you want to do something about it. Acceptance is what everyone seeks, no matter you are extrovert or introvert. But most importantly is whether do you accept yourself.
Growing up in a Christian family does give me a foundation on how to settle issues but it does not mean that it is easier for me. Only when you accept yourself and walk with God, you will know how to overcome your fears as God is always there for you. "Joshua 1:9....Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." It is only when i took the time to read and meditate on his words that as if God is telling me to be brave.
Since young, I do not know how to socialize, even now. But the difference is that i used to run away from people or you can say avoid eye contact and now I am able to look at them eye to eye and talk. I used to think 10000 things before doing anything which ended up doing nothing because i was so afraid of everything. I was afraid I would fail, no body likes me, and so forth. I disliked myself. I always admire other people of their confidence and never would I imagine i could ever give a speech or teach things in front of people. Now I wont say I love myself to bits but I do not dislike myself. I have accepted myself for being me, and i think that is the beginning to change things. When in the bible says Love your neighbour as yourself. I always can love others but not myself and now I understand that when you are able to love yourself, you are also able to love others, but whether you want to put more effort in other people beside yourself, i think that is up to you.
Just to let you know the extend of my introvert, these are some examples which i can remember.
I find difficult to even press the bell whenever i wanted to stop the bus. I always hope that there is someone else going down the same place as I was. I never really tell people what i really think and always give them the answer i think they approve of. My usually answer is "I do not know". Whenever people beside my parents and my brother and my few friends comes to my house, I would gladly hide in my room. My parents need to call me or force me get out of my room if they wanted to see me or so. There was even once i ran into my room at the sight of my brother friends. It was hilarious thinking about it. But at that time it was so scary for me. A world of uncertainties, a world of fear.
I also dislike attention even now. Whenever there is more than two people, I just good at listening and cant give much feedback unless I am very confident on that particular topic, if not i would be dead silence. But I am able to go through it with less worry and slightly more myself as i would avoid going out altogether.
Thank God that I am able to at least make eye contact to people and hopefully be able to be myself whenever I am not alone.
The reason I am blogging is to remind myself and also hopefully encourage those who felt the same as me.
Growing up in a Christian family does give me a foundation on how to settle issues but it does not mean that it is easier for me. Only when you accept yourself and walk with God, you will know how to overcome your fears as God is always there for you. "Joshua 1:9....Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." It is only when i took the time to read and meditate on his words that as if God is telling me to be brave.
Since young, I do not know how to socialize, even now. But the difference is that i used to run away from people or you can say avoid eye contact and now I am able to look at them eye to eye and talk. I used to think 10000 things before doing anything which ended up doing nothing because i was so afraid of everything. I was afraid I would fail, no body likes me, and so forth. I disliked myself. I always admire other people of their confidence and never would I imagine i could ever give a speech or teach things in front of people. Now I wont say I love myself to bits but I do not dislike myself. I have accepted myself for being me, and i think that is the beginning to change things. When in the bible says Love your neighbour as yourself. I always can love others but not myself and now I understand that when you are able to love yourself, you are also able to love others, but whether you want to put more effort in other people beside yourself, i think that is up to you.
Just to let you know the extend of my introvert, these are some examples which i can remember.
I find difficult to even press the bell whenever i wanted to stop the bus. I always hope that there is someone else going down the same place as I was. I never really tell people what i really think and always give them the answer i think they approve of. My usually answer is "I do not know". Whenever people beside my parents and my brother and my few friends comes to my house, I would gladly hide in my room. My parents need to call me or force me get out of my room if they wanted to see me or so. There was even once i ran into my room at the sight of my brother friends. It was hilarious thinking about it. But at that time it was so scary for me. A world of uncertainties, a world of fear.
I also dislike attention even now. Whenever there is more than two people, I just good at listening and cant give much feedback unless I am very confident on that particular topic, if not i would be dead silence. But I am able to go through it with less worry and slightly more myself as i would avoid going out altogether.
Thank God that I am able to at least make eye contact to people and hopefully be able to be myself whenever I am not alone.
The reason I am blogging is to remind myself and also hopefully encourage those who felt the same as me.
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